I Feel Weird...

I think I wierded my wife, Laurel, out the first time I told her this.  She immediately responded with, "What do you mean?" with a perplexed and unsure look on her face.  For quite a while I wasn't sure myself, other than I felt out of sorts.  I felt down, irritable, depressed...I'm not exactly sure, maybe I could simply say that I felt, "blah".  But I'd tell her that this didn't fully express what I was feeling. 

Eventually, I would realize that what was really happening was that I was being attacked spiritually.  This may sound strange to some people, but it's a very real thing (1 Peter 5:8).  The Enemy (satan, the devil, etc.) is looking for prey at all times.  He wants to "devour" us.  We are in spiritual warfare and it is terribly real.  Even Adam Sandler seemed to understand this in his movie, Little Nicky. 

In the movie, Sandler plays one of three sons of the devil.  The other two sons convince the people in New York that they can do whatever they want without consequence.  In the climax of the movie, the worst of the three sons, Adrian, is speaking to a crowd that had gathered and he says:

                Welcome to the party! It's so nice to see you all here! I'm so proud of
                you. You've taken to sin with such minimal prompting. You're acting
                as if there is no heaven or hell. Well, I've got news for you. There is
                most definitely a hell and you're all gonna go there when you die.

He was roaming around looking to for people to devour just as the passage talks about in Scripture.  It's real.  It's happening.  It was happening to me today. 

I felt down and irritable all day.  But, again, it was more than that.  I thought at this point in life, I would've caught on sooner, but it wasn't until this evening as I was on my knees before the One, True God that I realized that "I felt weird today...that I was being attacked." 

My prayer time was really about what God wants in me...how He wants to use me...what He has planned for me...how He has had you and me in mind since the beginning of creation to take part in His work of saving the world through His Son, Jesus.  I was on my knees giving myself fully to God to use me in any way that He may see fit for His glory...for His honor...to further His Kingdom, when I realized (or, more probably, when God revealed to me) that the Enemy was on prowl because he did not want that to happen today or any day.  He doesn't want me in the battle.  He wants me to sit back and settle into the life that I want...the life that I've created for myself.  That life looks good to him.  That's the life that the devil wants me to live.  It's the unfruitful life.  It's the life that steps out of the battle and does nothing to help others find the saving grace of our Lord, Jesus.

I don't want that life.

I want adventure.  I want meaning.  I want to follow the One, True God.  I want my life to have purpose in Him.  I want to lay everything that I want (I realize the irony here) at His feet and to be used in whatever way He sees fit.  I want these things not because it's the most fun...truthfully, it will be the most difficult...but because He is worth it.  This life is not about me and my wants.  It's about Jesus.  End of story.  And to truly live for Jesus means that I better get ready for battle.  We follow a Warrior God who is willing to lay everything down for us and to stand up against the devil on our behalf.  I'm ready to follow Him into battle.  I'm putting on my armor (Ephesians 6:10-20) and following the only One worthy of following in this life.  The Purpose of this life.

“The Lord is my strength and my defense;
    he has become my salvation.
He is my God, and I will praise him,
    my father’s God, and I will exalt him. 
 The Lord is a warrior;
    the Lord is his name.
                                       -Exodus 15:2-3