Husbandry and Fatherdom

Becoming a husband didn't completely change my life like I was told. What it did for me was give me someone with whom to share my life. It has been the best decision of I have ever made (except for my faith in Jesus, of course). Marrying Laurel has made it so that I get to wake up with my best friend every morning...and my best friend is really hot...even in the morning. It has given me someone to laugh with, to dream with, to cry with (it has happened once or twice), to figure out how to live this life to its full potential, and how to truly live for Christ and to further His Kingdom.

Becoming a father really did completely change my life, but not like I was told. It's not so much in the wording as it is in the tone. The way that it's typically expressed is in a very uplifting, sweet tone, "Having kids will change your life!" The reality is that it does change your life and it is "very good" (God). But what people don't tell you is that it changes your life because your life is no longer yours. You now have this little person hanging on you from 4 am to 9 pm (Ephraim doesn't sleep much...Jordan sleeps a little more than him). You have to take them into consideration every time you decide to leave the house or even take a shower. They won't let you out of their sight most of the day, so there is no more privacy...just try to go to the bathroom alone.

Don't misunderstand me. I love Ephraim and Jordan with everything that I am, and I know that they do all of these things because they depend on us and love us so much that they want to be with us 24/7. It's a great thing...just not in the way I expected.

What I've realized as a husband and father is that my family depends on me. The decisions I make matter not only to me, but to them as well. With this in mind a lot of times I try to make the safe decisions. The decisions that will make life most comfortable for all us. After all, my family is reliant on me.

Something changed recently.

I was reading Mark 10 (I love the Gospel of Mark...thank you Dr. Peace) and verses 17-31 jumped out at me for the first time as a husband and father. This passage talks about how hard it is for the rich to enter the Kingdom of God. I love this passage and I've learned a lot from it, but tonight I experienced the Living Word of God on my couch while I was waiting for Ephraim to finally fall asleep. The end of the passage talks about how anyone who gives up family, homes, riches, etc. for Jesus will "inherit 100 times as much in this present age: homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields - along with persecutions - and in the age to come eternal life."

I had to stop reading and start praying. I thought about Jesus' example of having 100's of homes (everyone he came into contact with invited him over to eat and rest), yet had nowhere to lay his head. This is not a health and wealth message. This is a give up everything and watch God come through message.

I told God that I want to give up everything for Him. That I want to inherit 100 times as much in this age. That I want to be persecuted for Him. That I want eternal life.

I started to look around my house and think that I want to give it all up for Him.

Then I quickly thought, "I can't. I have a family to take care of. This is a single guy's prayer. I can't put my family through that at this point in my life. I have to be the leader."

Some of you already see where this is going. It took me a moment before it was clear...

I am the leader of this family. And I need to set the right example for this family. And the right example is to give up everything for Jesus. To lay down anything and everything that we have for Him. To follow him above everything else. And if that means that we don't have the easiest life, that we don't get to get comfortable, that we don't have much, then that's exactly what I should be doing as a husband and as a father.

it's about time

Man, it's been a while. 2011 was a horrendously great year. It was one of the hardest most difficult years of my life, as well as, one of the best and most rewarding.

I went through several job changes this last year. At one point, I had 3 jobs (one of which was becoming a personal trainer, so expect some health and fitness posts from now on), which was great in a sense, but extraordinarily difficult financially. We sold a lot of things in order to pay the bills and some money showed up unexpectedly. We weren't sure how it happened other than realizing that God does provide and that we have more than we really need. It was a major difficulty this year, but it really helped us put some things in perspective. I even got rid of about 150 DVD's...which if you know me was very difficult. I can be somewhat of a hoarder...or you can at least say that I'm bad at sharing. But this enabled me to find a freedom in releasing things this last year. When we sold something or even gave some things away, we felt a release. We truly received a freedom from having less.

We also received a new addition to the family. Jordan Asher Feierbach (2 yrs) is only 6 months younger than his brother Ephraim which made the transition challenging, but has been amazing at the same time. Our family struggled with sleep, money, frustration, adaptation, attachment etc. But we've never celebrated as much as we are now. And we can't imagine life without our amazing boys.

I plan on blogging more this year too. To be honest, I was so exhausted this last year that the last thing I wanted...or even could do was to be creative and write. But I'm starting again. This is the first of many to come. Here's the point...or the reminder...

In the difficult times of life, we look to God. We turn to Him. We hope in Him. It's easy to forget about God when things are good. But when things get tough...when we can't get all that we want...when we can't keep all that we have...when our lives are out of our control...we seek Him. And there's nothing better in life than Him.