I already know this...but I keep forgetting.

I remember the first time I read through the Old Testament and had some sort of understanding of it.  I was in high school and had a better comprehensive ability than when I was a child.  Not that I was able to completely comprehend it (I'm still working on that...and probably won't ever fully reach my goal while here on Earth), but I was able to follow the biblical narrative without thinking that the OT is a bunch of cute children stories.

The main idea that I got from reading through it was, "What is wrong with the Israelites?!?"

It didn't make any sense to me.  The Israelites...God's chosen people...the ones with whom God was actually present in a physical form (in the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve, represented by a pillar of fire at night and a pillar of smoke during the day while the Israelites were in the desert, etc.)...the ones who witnessed and accepted the earthly freedom granted by God (the plagues of Egypt, parting and crossing the Red Sea, etc) continued not to "get it".  Over and over again they fell away from God. They turned away from God after witnessing Him move in extraordinary ways.  They brought on their own death and punishment, yet they didn't learn.  It drove me crazy!

As I read, I kept thinking of the words of Frank Cross finding a dead homeless man named Herman in Scrooged.  This is how it went...with a slight variation to speak to the Israelites, "You moron[s]!  You jerk[s]!  Why didn't you stay [with God]?  [He] would have taken care of you!  You would have eaten and been warm!  You [would] be alive!  You'd be a prettier color, I'll tell you that!"  I know it's a lot of exclamation points, but Frank Cross yells a lot and I felt the same.  They don't "get it".  There is no life apart from God, yet they kept turning from Him.  I would laugh out of disbelief and I would get angry because they just wouldn't "get it".  

I thought over and over as I read, "If I had the opportunity that they had, I would never forget.  I would never turn away."  

I heard the beginning of a sermon this last week about anger.  Basically, the pastor was saying that he had an anger problem and he believes that the majority of us (Americans) do too.  Citing facts such as road rage, getting angry because we are cut off in line, etc.  His point wasn't that we are all blowing up all the time, but that we are easily set off by little things.  I agree completely with him.  In fact, over the course of this last year, I've figured out that I've been struggling with anger myself.  Because of my struggle, I was very excited to hear what this pastor had to say, but I had to go to work.  I never caught the pastor's name or any way in which I would be able to hear the rest of the message.  The only thing I got from it was that the answer to our struggle comes from James.  

Now, I'm not a "3-steps to _______" kind of guy, so I'm leery when someone claims to have a quick answer for such a big problem.  BUT (this is a big "but", hence the all caps) I am completely sold when someone says that the Bible has the answer to such a huge problem.  Not a simple or easy to attain answer, but an answer.  So I started to read James again over the last couple of days, and it wasn't until today that I had one of those "Aha!" moments.  Really it was today that God opened my eyes to what He was trying to tell me.  

You see, I was in a really bad mood today. I wanted some time for myself and I didn't get it. I was having a bit of a pity party when I sat down to read James 4. This is what hit me:

"What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
4 You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. 5 Or do you think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us? 6 But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:
               'God opposes the proud
                   but shows favor to the humble.' 

"7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Come near to God and he will come near to you.Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9 Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up."

I've read this passage countless times, but God opened my eyes to it again today. I've spent countless hours in God's presence. I've seen Him perform miracles. I've witnessed and experienced His earthly and spiritual freedom, yet I continually turn away from Him. I continually forget what just happened.

I don't "get it".

I started to quote Frank Cross to myself today.  

What I know about the anger I've been struggling with is that it's because of me.  My wants.  My desires.  My expectations that go unmet.  My motives have been focused on me.  

What amazes me is that even though I mess up and focus solely on myself, God "jealously longs for the spirit He has caused to dwell in [me]."  The weight of that statement overwhelmed me today.  I was longing for more of me; and God, who created all things, who conquered death, who provides salvation to all who believe in Him, longs for the spirit dwelling in me.  The natural reaction to comprehending that statement is what verses 7-10 say to do: Resist the devil and all of his temptations and he will flee from you.  Repent.  Submit yourselves to God, come near to Him, humble yourselves before Him and He will lift you up.

Then, after all that, the very last verse of chapter four hit me over the head, "So then, if you know the good you ought to do and don't do it, you sin."  So I took some steps today that I've needed to do for a while.  I won't get into the details because that would defeat the purpose of what I did, but I want to encourage you to do what God has already laid on your heart to do.

These are not new lessons.  They're the same lessons I've learned hundreds of times in my life.  My selfishness brings death.  However, when there is less of me and more of God, I receive life.  Life to the full (John 10:10).