At my gym, I've been training a bit for American Ninja Warrior the TV show. I'm hoping to get the chance to compete on the show. It looks like a lot of fun and the training for it has been a chance to get creative and daring. One of the ways that I'm training is by using some pull up bars. I have several set up in a "monkey bar" order, but they are about 4-5 feet apart. I start on one end do a pull up and swing my legs back and forth until I decide to let go and launch toward the next bar. The first jump is 4 feet and I typically make that one without much problem. Then I pull up again and start swinging in preparation to leap toward the next bar (about 5 feet away).
As soon as I start to pull up on the second bar, my mind immediately thinks that I'm not going to make it...and I usually don't. I'll touch the bar with my hands, but I just can't hold on.
I was working out with my brother yesterday and we incorporated this "flying pull up" into our workout and I saw that he was having problems grabbing the bar as his hands hit it. I could see that if he just let go mentally he would easily be able to grab the bar and start swinging for the next. He had the height, distance and strength to do it, but he just wasn't connecting. So I told him he could do it, he just needs to let go mentally.
This morning I was thinking about this and I realized I've been doing the same thing when I'm swinging for the second bar. Then I opened a book that I bought awhile ago that I've been meaning to read, The Leap of Faith, and the Introduction began with a quote from Oswald Chambers:
A great deal more failure is the result of an excess of caution than of bold
experimentation with new ideas. The frontiers of the Kingdom of God were
never advanced by men and women of caution.
It did not take much deciphering on my part to realize that God is teaching me something. This last year has been a year of caution for me. It may not look like it to the outside world (I quit my job and my wife and I each started businesses in one of the worst economies the US has ever seen, we sold our house to move into an apartment in a town where this is unheard of, etc.), but many of these decisions were the safe thing to do in our lives. These were steps of self-reliance. I went from a life of abandon to God to a life that is built on pulling myself up by my bootstraps. I was determined to make things work because of my hard work and knowledge. To do what I knew would work...how I could be successful based on my education and skills. How to get the American dream.
I failed.
We didn't go bankrupt or anything like that. The business has struggled and has found success...especially for its first year (we're paying our bills). I've failed in the sense that I've been cautious in doing what God is telling me to do. I said when I started the business that it would also be ministry. That I would reach people outside of the church by working and building relationships with people outside of the church. The reality is that I've spent my time focused on building a successful business and I didn't want my "preaching" to people to mess that up. So I held back and simply ran a business.
You see, in the journey that God has been trying to bring me through...in this desert time...God is trying to get me to rely on Him again. To believe Him...to trust Him with every aspect of my life. He wants complete and wild abandon to Him. That includes every aspect of my business. I think He's preparing me for more. I think He wants to use me in ways that I can't even imagine. I think this desert time is exactly like that of the Israelites in the Old Testament and like that of Jesus in the New Testament.
The Israelites were being taught to fully trust and rely on God. They were being prepared for the Promised Land where they would multiply and become fruitful. Where they would be able to bless all nations and to share the One, True God with those who have never known Him.
Jesus was being prepared for the same thing...even greater things. He was being prepared to trust the Father. To believe the words from His mouth. To trust that His plans truly are the best. To completely abandon his wants...his desires...his comfort...his life into the hands of the One who loves beyond comprehension. And from this point, Jesus went out and started ministry. He left and lived a life that was despised by religious authorities...that literally looked crazy to his family...that defied what those closest to him thought was his "true" calling. And through this, Jesus saved us. He lived. He died. And he now lives for all eternity with the Father and the Holy Spirit for our salvation. To provide a way in which we can live with him today and forever.
It's that desert time in which God changes us. It's this time in which God is preparing me. But I have to learn to let go of my caution. To disregard all that is in me that tells me "This won't work." "You'll never make it."
The reality is, this is the only way that it will work. I will make it. But not by own strength. Not because I am skilled and educated. But because I'm willing to take that leap of faith with wild abandon and trust that the One, True God is waiting to catch me.
Forgive me, Jesus, for not trusting you. I want to take every step with complete and wild abandon. To trust you with every moment in my life. To worship you with every moment in my life. I'm letting go of that bar that I think keeps me safe and I'm flying through the air with complete confidence that I will make it. That You are God and I am not. That you truly care and love me. That you will hold true to your promises. That when I do your will...when I seek righteousness, I don't have to worry about anything else because You are there. You are here. In Jesus' name, amen. (Matt. 6:19-34)
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